In a conversation recently I shared- I’ve raised a lot of children and I never thought motherhood was hard.
I didn’t feel uncertain about my capacity to mother
I didn’t feel I was losing myself
I never once regretted it.
Don’t get me wrong- being broke at times was hard
Trying to do anything without fiscal resources is challenging.
But Parenting wasn’t
I surrendered to it.
To the paradox of Birthing another and watching a new me be birthed in the process.
When I observe the state of Women today what I see is a perpetual fight against.
She fights against her nature
Her phase of life
And she wonders why she’s exhausted
3 generations of unhappy women and 20 years of Social Media have given to the collective unconscious of Women the Legacy of perpetual Dis-Ease.
The Calibration of Complaint.
Coated in a thin veneer of stylized poses and filtered life- and let’s not forget the latest hashtag for the ’Gram #bossmama
And so Motherhood is Hard
Because you believe it should be so
Because you refuse to allow it to be a chrysalis of Utter Transformation
surrendering to the Initiation
Instead you believe you’re supposed to look the way you did before. Keep pursuing the priorities you used to have and handle your children as vehicles and vectors for the expression of every socio-political ideology you’ve ever espoused.
And you wonder why you’re tired mama?
Motherhood changes your irrevocably
it’s supposed to
Soften your rigidity
Provide insight you didn’t have
Alter and alter your perspective.
Everything about our bodies never returns to their maiden state again.
The cervix changes shape
That which is uniquely female
Teaching the woman her mutability
In a most visceral way
Her awareness expands
Another- Invisible sensory organ is developed
Beyond data and sight
Life is in her hands
The future is present for her to form
she walks in the Paradox of training, teaching, guiding
Yet having no control of the lessons that are received and the interpretations of her Language of Love.
It is not hard
When you surrender to it
Stifling the lessons it is teaching you
Motherhood teaches you the truth of your limitations in ways you can’t avoid
There are things outside your control
Everything is not about you
Everything and everyone has a will of their own
Poop can be a beautiful thing
Just because you’re afraid doesn’t mean there’s something fearful
Time is fleeting
Life is both much more fragile and resilient than you thought
Nourishing others can be an act of self-love as well
Your parents are people…Just like you
When you surrender you learn the depths of this truth
Or you spend those precious years fighting it.
Either way, it has its way with you.
Photo: My youngest daughter age 23 and I