Good morning my loves,
I see many of you have sons and it can seem like when your son becomes a teenager OR even a pre teen that he has become someone else altogether. I witness many mothers struggling in this and wondering what is The “correct” way to parent their sons.
The journey of young men to manhood is not an easy one. It becomes even more complex because many women hold the mistaken belief that male parents are optional and that a mother can do it all alone. We are amazing and fabulous ladies, but we can not teach our boys to be men.
To take it one step further, If we hold a negative view of men we can inadvertently give our sons a self loathing that breeds the very seeds of misogyny that many women fear.
In order to raise boys who become men, we must first heal our relationship with the masculine.
We must allow our longing, respect and admiration for masculine energy as embodied by males. Yes even if we do not have someone in our lives that we are currently in relationship with. Our sons need to see strong male leadership as something WE as mothers and women find beautiful.
Secondly we need to understand that our relationships with our sons need to change.
I know this is hard mamas, but we have to learn to lean back – his emerging masculine requires it. When I say lean back in this context I’m speaking of giving him space to make decisions, having requirements of responsibility and not smothering him with your opinions – especially if you’re a single mom. It is the nature of children to want to please you as mom it is also the nature of a manchild to want to be his own man. If you do not give him space to form his own opinion he will often agree to your opinion but do something else to avoid the conflict. This is where the incongruence and inner conflict that we find showing up in relationships in many men first appears. This internal belief that it is better to lie to avoid rejection and disappointing the feminine usually begins in his relationship with his mother. You can help break this global wound by how you parent your son.
The truth is by the time children become teens we should be passing into being a consultant anyway. This is true with our sons as well. If you have a Father figure in your sons life let him take the lead. If you do not… The situation can be more difficult as you may feel pressure to be both mother and father.
You can’t be mother and father and that’s okay. You CAN love and nourish your son as a mother and attract into your life masculine energy to help your son.